i want you to read my mind
by cocoagua
Summary: Dan and Blair's friendship is put the test when they find out how they feel about each other.  Rated T for now. Might change in the future.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So I figured I could write something else while taking a break from Head-to-Head... Just had to let this out because I've been torturing myself by not writing. So hope you like this one. I actually enjoyed writing this. I hope you enjoy reading it :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or any of its characters :)**

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><p>Blair Waldorf woke up in a bed that's not her own. Instead of her queen size bed, she was lying down in a smaller bed her overstating mind would call a cot. Instead of her silk bedding sheets, cotton sheets grazed her soft skin. She reached for the night table to find her phone. Instead, she found a picture frame of Jenny and Rufus Humphrey.<p>

One day, Blair Waldorf woke up in a bed that's not her own. She woke up in Dan Humphrey's bed.

Dan Humphrey was sprawled in his living room couch. He was immediately woken up when a pillow hit his face hard. Girly screams and curses came with each blow of the pillow. Hard brick words with a not-so-hard weapon. _Only Blair Waldorf can pull this off_, he thought. His arms instinctively rose to block the succeeding blows she kept making.

"You. Are. A. Horrible. Person! How dare you take advantage of me when I'm weak?" Her blows kept on coming, most of which hit him on the shoulders and forearms.

"You throw like a little girl, Waldorf!" He tried to move away from her but she followed, hitting other items in the loft off of their respective places. In one quick move, he came around her, ran into his bedroom and locked himself in. "You have no idea what you're talking about, Blair." He shouted through the door.

"I woke up in your ugly bed, Cabbage Patch. Don't tell me I slept there voluntarily." She shouted back before sighing in frustration. She slid down the door and unto the floor as she tried to remember the events of the night before. "Plus you're in your stupid boxers… that have ducks on it. And you're shirtless, OMG." He could almost feel her roll her eyes as she described his choice of underwear.

"You fell asleep after we watched The Philadelphia Story, Blair. Nothing happened! I just moved you to my bed… I figured it's more comfortable than my shoulder. Plus you drool." Blair listened as he explained the situation to her. She remembered watching a movie after a long and stressful day at W. She recalled how after losing her job, Dan Humphrey was the first person she could think of confiding in. True to his nature, he offered her support that she truly needed from a friend. She nodded to herself as she remembered falling asleep. _Right,_ she thought, _nothing happened_.

"Explain why you're wearing boxers then. They're horrendous, Humphrey." She couldn't help but think more about his figure than the boxers he was wearing. Sure, the boxers were really ugly, but his abs are of more than acceptable appearance. And she can't believe she's thinking that.

"I sleep better wearing them, OK?" He leans towards the door and listens for any noise she could be making. There was none. He sighed as he made his way to his closet to change into more appropriate clothing for guys who have female friends over. "Look, Blair. I'm in more decent clothes now. Can I come out and be sure that it's safe?" He held on to the door knob, waiting for her answer.

"Yes... You can come out now." She said very faintly, Dan wasn't sure he heard right. He turned the knob and opened the door, trying to spot Blair. As soon as he stepped out, she hit him with the pillow for the last time that day. Straight in the face. She dropped the pillow and grinned at him before leaving the loft.

…

"Not a chance." Her voice was full of conviction. It was one of her primary goals to assert her authority over Dan; though she doesn't actually mind if he does get his way sometimes. That doesn't mean she's going to give it to him easy. She doesn't try to stop smiling as she waited for his answer. Phone conversations are always easier to manipulate.

"Come on, Blair. I had to endure your ballerinas. At the very least, you're going to find the Beuys exhibit interesting. If you're not available, I guess I could ask Katie to come with me." He tried to reason out with her, with no expectations whatsoever. If he was going to be honest with himself, Blair is the only person who could carry out a decent conversation about art. Well maybe he was expecting a little.

"There is no way she can debate with you like I can." Her voice was soft, asking for affirmation. Feeling a little overprotective of his connection with Dan, she subjected her irritation to Katie instead. She wasn't going to allow another person to take her place. _Or another girl._ She wondered what's wrong with her.

"Not even the slightest bit!" He told her, feigning disbelief.

"I'm not surprised." She answered back, feeling a little bit too happy with the information. "You are to come here on the day of the exhibit. We are going to discuss field trip procedures." She forced herself to sound superior again.

"Yes Ma'am, it's a date." He said just as she hung up.

…

"I don't want to not be your 'not friend'." He kept talking to her voicemail – blabbing senseless things he knew she could not care less about. But she was ignoring him. _I shouldn't have kissed her_ and then _I want to kiss her again_ and then a_ll I want to do is kiss her_. He wondered if he's on crack. "I miss my movie-slash-museum buddy, please pick up." She didn't. So the cycle continued.

He saw her with a tall, very good looking guy while he was walking down the road, leaving yet another one of his pathetic I-miss-my-friend voice mails. She saw him staring at her and looked away. There was a big possibility she didn't listen to any of his messages. Or maybe she was busy with the new guy. Or maybe she didn't care. The possibilities were endless. But it all had one effect.

"So, uh… I just saw you with a guy. That's great, you're dating? Guess I have to find a girlfriend who will fit the bill and we could uh… double date or something to that effect." He ended what he decided was the last of his voice messages. There was a feeling in his chest. It felt like sadness.

…

She came into his loft unannounced. Dan was lying still in his bed, in deep slumber, after a long night of inspired writing. In an attempt to wake him up, she pulled the pillow from under his head and whacked him repeatedly.

"What the fuck? Blair, are you trying to kill me?" He was suddenly awake, recognizing the violent pillow whacking as Blair's signature weapon of choice.

"No. I was just trying to wake you up. Stop exaggerating." She looked at him innocently. His hair was all over the place and he looked like he was terribly frazzled. She sat on the edge of the bed, still clutching his pillow. Her eyes searched his as both of them tried to come up with sentences that are actually coherent.

"Why are you here, Blair?"

"We are going to stage an intimate moment for Louis' royal handler. He needs to believe that I'm in a deep and serious and… intimate relationship with someone that's not Louis." She handed him the pillow back and he set it on her lap before laying his head back on it. Her eyes were set on him lying down with his head on her lap. She patted his head awkwardly.

"As you wish." He whispered before falling back to sleep.

…

The incessant ringing of his phone woke him up. Looking at his clock, he found that it's exactly the time of day when it's actually rude to call someone who's probably sleeping. It's 2:30 AM. But Blair Waldorf didn't need an excuse to call him at any time of the day. She summoned, he answered. That's the way it's been for the past months. Dan would be lying to himself if he said he didn't actually like it.

"What have I done to deserve this kind of punishment?" He asked her exasperatedly.

"I have some news." She told him like it's a fact that he shouldn't dare question.

"That could not wait until an appropriate time in the morning. Wonderful. What is it?" She let out a small smile as she listened to his early morning grumpiness.

"I'm getting married." He hung up and didn't call back.

She stormed into the loft 30 minutes after and found him at the kitchen counter, staring blankly into space. He turned to look at her and found the cut on her cheek. He extended his arm and took her to his bedroom.

"What happened to that?" He asked as he walked to the bathroom for his first aid kit. She sat on his bed, hugging his pillow. "Let me see." He walked over to her and lifted her chin a little to see the wound. They stayed silent as he cleaned her wound.

"You're good at this." She whispered, completely aware of how close his face is.

"Milo had little boo boos, too." His eyes found hers, giving her a look of understanding. He leaned in and kissed her on the forehead before heading towards the door. "I'll sleep on the couch. And… congratulations." He said before closing the door behind him.

…

They were all over the news: Blair Waldorf and Louis Grimaldi. The press was going gaga over the couple of the year. They were almost everywhere: charity events, elite parties and royal engagements. Photos of them were splashed in all the papers. The next Will and Kate, they were called. The royal couple of Monaco: happy and going strong.

"Ah. I see you've taken getting over her to a whole new level. The facts won't change if you just stare at the pictures." Eric found Dan staring at a photo gallery of Blair and Louis. He took the cup of coffee Dan was holding and cringed after he took a sip. "That's awful." He took another sip before placing it on the table.

"That's because that's yesterday's coffee." Dan answered without a hint of shame. Eric eyed him with a shocked look and shook his head at the revelation.

"You have to do something about Blair or one day I'll be eating last month's bagels." He took a sip from Dan's coffee again before leaving. "That's really awful."

…

She received a handwritten letter while spending the summer in the palace, or castle, as Dan would put it. The amount of time she spent with Dan over the holidays familiarized her with his handwriting. He used to leave notes on post-it's on different pages of books they discussed. She found his drafts in his office one day, scribbled on coffee-aged paper. He sometimes put notes on her coffee when they took walks. Staring at the dirty white envelope labeled with "B. Waldorf", she immediately knew that it came from Dan Humphrey.

Louis was at an out-of-town meeting. One which did not require the presence of the soon-to-be princess. It was not the first time she was left behind. She was pretty sure it would constantly happen; although she tried to convince herself she didn't mind. Back in New York there was one person who was always there, no matter the time, place or circumstance. There was only one person she could be comfortable with. It surprised her how much that one person was not Serena, but rather, Dan Humphrey. The person whom she committed herself to hating the moment they met. But apparently things changed. She didn't hate him anymore and dislike is not exactly an emotion she felt towards him. Instead, she felt comfort and contentment… and happiness. Instead of missing her not-so-present fiancé, she missed Dan.

She settled herself in bed, legs crossed underneath her and her back against the headboard. She fiddled with the envelope flap, trying to decide whether or not to open it. She hasn't heard from Dan since the day she left. The only thing she knew was that he would be spending time with Eric at the Hamptons. Give forgetting about a certain person a shot. She didn't ask who was the person involved. The only reason being she was afraid she could not handle the answer. With one big sigh, she opened the envelope and pulled out the paper and read.

_I write because I can't seem to get this out of my system any other way. I tried writing stories but I was uninspired. Movies were great distractions, too. I just didn't have anyone to discuss them with.__ I even tried dating other girls. Not like we dated. But that's beside the point._

_So… you're engaged now. That's really… great, I guess. The only thing I know about your fiancé is that he's the prince of Monaco. And that we kissed to make him stay… And that you love him. You love him right? Of course you do._

_I follow the news. A lot of them seem to be about you. It's funny how I still blab even on paper. Can't seem to get rid of that…_

_You know what I realized when I was looking at your pictures? That it actually hurts me to see you happy… with him. It actually hurts me that he could be the one you're terrorizing with your pillow attacks. It hurts that I see you everywhere. I see you in my coffee (which happened to be very stale). I see you in my books, my movies. I see you in girls wearing tights. Hell, I even see you in my duck boxers. It hurts to see you everywhere… and see you in the one place I don't want you to be – in the arms of another man._

_I can never ask you to come back. I don't have the right to. Just wanted you to know… I wish you all the happiness in the world, Blair. And I love you…_

It wasn't after reading that she realized she was crying. Her heart was pounding against her chest, she could almost hear it. Suddenly she felt like she had a decision to make. She cried herself to sleep that night, not knowing exactly why she was crying.

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><p><strong>Reviews? :)<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you to those who read and reviewed this. Didn't really get a lot of reviews but had a few story subscriptions and I wanted to continue this for those who asked. A small audience is still an audience, after all. Hope you like this chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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><p>"I can't believe someone could ever make me hate the Hamptons so much." Eric said as they packed their bags to go back to the city. Dan looked at him with a raised eyebrow, not the slightest bit amused.<p>

Aside from drinking every night to the point of drunkenness and practically vowing himself into celibacy by dumping every hot girl who tried to get in bed with him – not that he didn't try, he just couldn't _do_ it – nothing else eventful happened. That is unless you count the misguided decision to airmail Blair a confession letter which was written while sober… and sobbing. Eric managed to put up with more stale coffee for another two weeks before threatening to leave Dan every day. A threat Dan shrugged off because he was convinced that Eric loved him so much to leave him (his own words).

"I'm sorry for being the purveyor of gloom, Eric. I'm sure I haven't been easy to be around lately." He heard Eric let out a soft chuckle.

"Have you heard from her yet?" Thinking about Blair was a catalyst for Dan's sullen mood. The air suddenly felt heavy. Dan shook his head dejectedly before looking at Eric.

"Not since the letter. I haven't really tried to contact her." He reached for his boxers on the bed and stared at it for a while before folding it and stuffing it into his bag.

"Why not?"

"I just… I mean I still want to be friends with her. But I don't how to be that when I have these… emotions. Plus I sent her the letter and she hasn't contacted me as well. I'm not sure she even wants to be friends with me. I ruined everything… and I don't know how to fix it." Eric gave him a knowing look and a sad smile without saying anything else.

They continued packing in a comfortable silence. The whole summer, Dan did not think twice about confiding in Eric. Every thought and every feeling he had for Blair, he told Eric. Not only because Eric reminded him of Jenny, but also because he's the brother he never had. Eric was the first to break their brotherly silence.

"You do realize she's going to be in the city when we get back, right?" Dan nodded quietly, looking at the pillow he brought with him to the Hamptons.

…

Blair landed in Louis' private plane early in the morning. She came back to New York alone to continue taking care of the wedding plans there. She held a binder filled with her wedding plans close to her chest as she walked to the limo that would take her back to the penthouse. It felt nice being back in the city. Louis had another business meeting that he "can't possibly miss" so Blair had to go back to New York alone. Her fiancé did take her to the plane and said he'll follow her as soon as he can.

"_I love you, Blair." He told her while caressing her cheek. She nodded in response before stepping into the plane.__ She hasn't said it back to him since she got Dan's letter._

She was greeted by her very excited mother and stepfather when she arrived at the penthouse. They asked her a lot of things about her stay in Monaco: the food, the places, the palace, even the help. She was tired but she tried to tell them as much as she could about her summer. But being in the city made her think of only one person: Dan Humphrey.

They told her to have breakfast with them and maybe go out for a movie – something her mom would not do voluntary before getting together with Cyrus, even if it was a matter of life and death. She said yes to breakfast but informed them that she had plans for the afternoon.

"Oh. Just breakfast then." Eleanor moved to kiss her daughter's forehead. "It's good to have you back, my dear." Cyrus smiled at her sweetly.

"It's good to be back…" She said before heading up to her room, still clutching her binder. As soon as she got to her bedroom, she sat by her window. She ran her fingers on the binder cover embossed with her initials before opening it. From one of the pockets, she pulled two envelopes – one addressed to her, the letter she received from Dan; the other one labeled _Cabbage Patch_.

…

Dan lied in bed with his back behind the door. He had been lying in bed since they got back that morning. He refused to eat breakfast and told Eric to go back to Lily and Rufus and let them know that he wanted to take a day off before visiting. Eric obliged, slightly relieved that he could get away from Gloomsville without having to escape. Ever since they got back from the Hamptons, Dan became sulkier. That was something he wanted to get away from, even just for a little while.

Dan heard the loft door open as he stared aimlessly at his bedroom wall. He shrugged it off, thinking Eric decided to keep him company. He decided that was OK, as long as Eric doesn't try to convince him not to get out of bed and do something. He didn't want to do anything. He didn't want to go out and be seen in public. He looked at his watch and found out it was already 2:00 PM. The mattress suddenly moved a bit as he felt someone sit on it. Dan didn't turn around to look.

"Eric. I'll be fine, really. You don't have to check on me." For an unknown reason, he felt mildly annoyed. Somehow he also felt bad that he's taking it out on Eric.

"You really plan on staying in bed the whole day and becoming practically useless?" Dan suddenly sat up on his bed and turned around, facing Blair as he did. She was sitting at the side of his bed, her body twisted slightly towards his direction.

"Blair… I..." He stuttered, having difficulty finding the words to say to Blair who came to his loft on her first day back from Monaco. He stared at her, not able to come up with anything.

"Really, Humphrey? That's all you could come up with?" She gave him a smirk, which almost looked like a really sad smile.

"Uh… welcome back?" Without really thinking, he semi-crawled towards her side and gave her a hug. One which lasted a little bit too long for two people who are just friends. Their heads rested on each other's shoulders, their arms wrapped awkwardly around each other. He reached for hair slowly, taking a deep breath when he did.

"Thanks for not bludgering me with a pillow." He managed to let out when they pulled apart. She grinned in response. His lips formed a small smile. I'd take that. _I really missed you_ was what he wanted to say.

…

They took a walk to the park, coffees in hand, silent. Dan watched her as she took a sip of coffee, her hair blowing freely with the wind. He kept his free hand in his pocket, fighting every urge to touch her, to take her hand, caress her cheek, or pull her into a hug. She was aware of how he watched her and only looked at him when he's not eyeing her. She gazed at him when he sipped from his cup, wondering what exactly he meant when he said he sees her in his coffee. Neither of them wanted to bring up the topic of the letter. But both desperately wanted to talk about it.

"How was your summer at the Hamptons?" She asked him as they settled themselves on a bench. Her hands fiddled with the coffee cup as she distracted herself from his presence, ignoring the impulse to move closer to him and play with his hand. She decided she was definitely going crazy.

"It was… good." His eyes were fixed on a faraway place, like his mind was in a different planet. He let out a small sigh. "How are the wedding preparations?"

"We don't have to talk about it." Her voice was so small and soft, he almost didn't hear her. He looked at her straight in the eyes and smiled.

"I'm going to be fine, Blair. Maybe if we talk about it more, it'll be easier to let go…" She remained quiet and let go of his gaze, directing her attention to the coffee cup he was holding. Deep inside her heart was pounding. She felt a sharp pain in her chest, as if somebody was slowly stabbing her. _I'm not sure if I want you to let go_ was what she wanted to say.

…

"Why didn't you try to contact me again after the letter?" They were back at the loft, deciding they would have dinner there. She was sitting on a stool, her hair tied back, as she went through the take out menus. Dan was on the couch, pretending to surf the internet. Her question took him by surprise. He put down his laptop, walked to her side and rested one hand on her back. His hand was warm, the same way it was the night they first kissed. She looked up at him, her eyes digging deep into him.

There was always this unexplained comfort between them. Despite all the bickering and insulting they both had done in the past, there was always comfort underneath. It was a kind of comfort that neither of them felt with anyone else. He looked at her, his hand on her back, and he saw an equally strong and fragile woman. Her demeanor almost always scared anyone she met but he always saw right through that façade. The woman in front of him had the strength most men would love to claim they had. But beneath that, she saw someone so fragile, like a piece of glass. One wrong move can break her. One mistake could destroy her.

Blair was always adamant about expressing distaste for Dan. She called him names and insulted him any chance she got. But looking at him now, she saw someone whom she couldn't, for the life of her, hate. He had always been judgmental – always finding flaws in her world, finding flaws in her circle. But she knew how he really felt. She saw how all Dan Humphrey wanted was to belong, to be part of something, to be someone people would accept. She always knew there was something more to Dan Humphrey than just being the guy from Brooklyn. Blair looked at Dan and saw someone who would take care of you, look after you, and be with you not matter what.

"I…" He begun, rubbing her back lightly with the pad of his thumb. Her eyes closed as he did. "I didn't know how to be your friend after that, Blair. I didn't know how to be your friend… and love you more than that."

"Do you want me to stay away from you until you figure it out?" Her eyes searched his and at the same time, showed openness.

"No." He shook his head, took her hand and traced the lines of her palm. "I don't want you to stay away. I want you… to stay as close to me as possible, if that's OK." Her hands were soft and he wanted to lock fingers with her. But he didn't want to give in, he just wanted to let go, as graciously as possible. He heard her breath hitch and he looked at her. She was smiling, but her tears betrayed her. It was obvious she was trying to fight them back but she couldn't. "What's wrong, Blair?"

He mentally kicked himself as he felt himself give in, locking their fingers together. He rubbed her fingers as he watched her. She didn't pull away.

"Does it really hurt?" She asked him without breaking eye contact. He immediately understood.

"Only when I think about you…" He smiled sadly at her, finally letting go of her hand. She followed his hands with her gaze as he rested them on the kitchen counter, clasped together.

"How often is that?" Her eyes were still focused on his hands as she was afraid to look at him.

"Always." He whispered. She watched him, aware of the tears that slowly escaped his eyes, as he quietly buried his face in his hands. "I have to go…" He looked at her, not without wiping his tears away first, then nodded in agreement.

She made her way to the door and smiled before she left. Dan didn't follow her. Instead, he walked to his bedroom with every intention to sleep off the events of that day. He sat on his bed and looked around his room. _I see you in my room too_, he thought. He turned to reach for his pillow and saw an envelope lying on top of it. It was labeled _Cabbage Patch._

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><p><strong><em>Review pretty please?<em>**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: So here's an update for those who are still waiting :) I kinda loved writing this chapter. It came out shorter than the other chapters, but I wanted to leave it as it is. Hope you guys like it though! Looking forward to more reviews! :)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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><p>Dan sat silently at the edge of the bed and fiddled with the envelope that was on his pillow. He thought of the events of that day. He thought of how he decided that he wanted her as close to him as possible. He thought of the suicide that he was about to commit: falling deeper in love with Blair Waldorf without any chance of being saved.<p>

His fingers traced the lettering on the envelope and sniggered to himself as he read _Cabbage Patch _silently. Leave it to Blair Waldorf to make something as personal as a letter insulting as well. As if on cue, Blair snatched the letter out of his hand before he even had the chance to open it.

"What the-" Dan looked at her, startled and confused. "Uhm. You're here." He said to her with his eyes still glued to the envelope in her hand.

"You're only going to read it now?" She was glaring at him, her face stern, without the trace of compassion and sadness he saw when he last saw her… which was approximately 14 minutes ago. Still, her beauty could not be denied, and that's all it took for him to stare at her with a wide ass grin on his face.

"You haven't left." He says as-a-matter-of-factly. She raised an eyebrow at him, glanced at her watch and prepared to leave, letter in tow. Dan grabbed her arm to stop her, "If you're leaving, at least leave the letter to me."

"No." She said, a small mischievous smile forming on her face. She positioned her fingers around the envelope slowly, as if to tear it apart. Dan watched her in disbelief. She lifted her arms up, as if to give him a better view, when something soft and fluffy hit her straight in the face. "You didn't!" She screamed to Dan, looking at the pillow that landed by her feet. He raised his arms, feigning innocence. As soon as he saw Blair drop the letter and pick up the pillow, he knew he was in trouble.

"You. Are. Impossible! I. Hate. You." She shouted in between the hits she sent his way. Dan caught her arms and pulled her to himself. They stood there awkwardly hugging each other with the pillow between their bodies. "No more pillow violence, Blair." He said, kissing her forehead lightly, wondering why she came back to the loft in the first place.

…

"Why are you here, Waldorf?" It came out harsher than it intended it to be. Blair was sitting on his bed with her legs sprawled. She was holding on tight to the pillow she used in an attempt to bludger Dan. They left the letter on the floor where Blair dropped it, waiting for the other to make a move. She looked up at him, as if she was about to cry, and took a deep breath. "I'm not sure I know either."

She watched him as he sat down at the edge of the bed, obviously contemplating if he should pick up the letter or not. "Is it completely inappropriate for an engaged woman to spend the night at another man's house?"

"Escapism." Dan answered her in a whisper, smiling sadly at her. "You're here because you can't believe that you're finally getting your dream. You're confused. You're trying to find something familiar. You're only here because you need entertainment..." He moved next to her, closing the physical space between them. His hand found hers and he absentmindedly played with her pinky finger. "And being a Humphrey, I'm pretty sure I'm the closest you could get to having that." He let out a small huff and a laugh when she hit him lightly with the pillow she was holding.

They stayed silent for a while, glancing at each other, waiting for the other to talk. Dan stood up slowly and started to walk towards the door. On his way out, he picked up the letter lying on the floor. He faced her before walking out of the bedroom and fiddled on the flap of the envelope.

"I think I'm going to read this outside. You get some rest."

"Humphrey!" Blair moved quickly towards him in an attempt to snatch the letter from his hand. Dan backed away, his reflexes obviously faster than hers. She stood defeated in front of him and let out a small sigh. "You can't read that..."

"Why the hell not, Waldorf? You left it here, carefully placed on my pillow, if I might add." He stared at her with a confused look, trying to gauge his next move. A small smile formed on his lips as he watched her looking down at the floor. He reached for her hand and placed the letter on her palm but didn't let go.

"You know what?" He said, smiling at her before looking down at her hand. "You wrote the letter… if for some reason you don't want me to find out what's in it, it's OK. I respect that. For now, let's just forget there's even a letter." Slowly and seemingly begrudgingly, he let go of her and walked out of the bedroom.

"Good night, Dan…" Blair murmured as Dan left and closed the door.

…

Dan woke up to the smell of coffee and waffles… burnt waffles at that. He stood up from the couch and found Blair sitting on a kitchen stool, fork in hand, removing the burnt parts of the waffles.

"If you continue that, nothing will be left of your food." He chuckled behind her. She turned to look at him, and smiled sheepishly as she did.

"I watched you sleep." She said to him, without even a hint of sarcasm in her voice. Her eyes were full of emotion and Dan couldn't help but look away, else he would fall even deeper. "You said my name…"

Shocked as he was, Dan tried to mask the emotions running through his body. Of all the stupid things he could do while he's asleep, Blair witnessed him saying her name in his sleep. In an effort to keep the off the tension, he countered, "I must have said air. Or care. Or glare. Or bear. I could have said a lot of things. I'm pretty sure it's not your name. And watching me sleep is not exactly a non-creepy thing to do." He took a fork and moved to the other side of the counter, still avoiding her gaze.

"Humphrey. I'm not stupid. I know what you said. And I know what I'm doing. I know why I'm here." She cut a piece from her waffle and munched on it before continuing. "I want to read you the letter."

"I'm sorry, what?" His eyes found hers once again, searching for an answer this time. He watched as she took the envelope from under the plate. He watched as she slowly took the letter out of the envelope. He watched as she stood up and motioned to the living room, envelope in one hand, actual letter in the other. He followed her and sat on the couch, as she stood in front of him. He felt knots in his stomach as she unfolded the letter, slowly, while watching him intently. He raised her gaze at her, as she cleared her throat and began to read.

…

_Humphrey,_ she started. _Cabbage Patch… Dan. I honestly don't know what to call you anymore._ She smiled at him as he watched her. She could see how his hands were trembling and how his eyes registered a worried emotion. _But at the time of writing this, I'd rather call you Dan. You wrote me a handwritten letter. I just have to say, I admire people who are brave enough to show their vulnerabilities in handwritten letters. Our generation is so caught up in technology; we tend to forget the importance of the intimacy through handwritten letters, phone conversations and face-to-face encounters. _He chuckled as she spoke, holding on to each word that she's saying. She paused and shook his head at him, letting him know that she did not appreciate the distraction.

_What I meant to say was. I appreciate your effort… to write me a letter. And I'm writing back because I'm tired. I'm tired of all the pretentions that come with being a future princess. I'm tired of not being able to be myself when I'm supposed to be having the time of my life. I'm tired of smiling and waving my hand at strangers. I'm tired of being Louis' little Barbie. Most of all, I'm tired of denying… I'm tired of running away from you. Because in the midst of this princess charade, all I can think of is you._

He looked at her, not believing what he heard, he reached out for her hand. "Blair… I"

"Will not interrupt me while I'm talking." She slapped his hand away and moved a few steps back, waving the letter in her hand. "I'm not yet done." He nodded slowly and let her continue.

_I didn't know what to make of it. But then, I got your letter._ Blair walked towards Dan and put the letter in his hand.

"I don't think it's fair if I take your love, Dan." She continued, not needing to read from the letter anymore. "Because I'm marrying a prince. But I can't marry a prince, or anyone else for that matter, if I'm most probably in love with you." She sat down beside him, waiting for him to talk. It was the end of her long yet inconclusive letter. Suddenly she was in his arms, almost fighting for air. When he let go, he also let out a sigh.

"So what now?" He asked.

"I don't know. What do you want?" She said, hoping he could give her the answer she's been trying to come up with ever since he gave her the letter.

"I only know that I want to be with you, Blair. What do you want?"

"I want you to read my mind…"

"I want you to figure it out, Blair! You can't tell me that you're 'most probably in love' with me then not know what to do." He said in a half yell, half exasperated voice. She cringed when she felt the tension, the hurt and the confusion in Dan's voice. She reached for his hand and took a deep breath.

"I'll tell him tonight." He looked at her questioningly, asking her silently if she was sure. She smiled and nodded as she moved closer to him, snuggling against his chest as they sat in comfortable silence.

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><p><strong>Thoughts? :)<strong>


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I know I know. It's been months since I last updated. But I have a reason! I lost my muse :( And I barely have it back. But at least... it's kinda back. This story took me to a different turn than I originally planned. Hope I didn't mess it up and I hope you guys enjoy reading it :)**

**Disclaimer: As always I own nothing. Except for one jumbo pack of popcorn and a half finished cup of milk tea.**

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><p>A week had gone by since Blair silently admitted to him that she felt the same way that he did. Looking back, he wondered if it was all in his head. He tried to dig for clues, any hint that he might have understood wrong: that Blair didn't really feel the same way. That he dreamt it all. That he forced himself to believe a lie. One that he figured could only come from the likes of Blair Waldorf. He convinced himself when he got a text message two days after that night, that he had it coming. He blamed himself for being too vulnerable, for being stupid, for falling in love. But no matter how he played with the ideas in his head, not of it made sense.<p>

Blair had promised him she would tell Louis about them. She said it might take a while; after all, they were dealing with a prince. A simple confession of infidelity wouldn't have done the job, no matter how sorry she was. He told her to take her time and that he would wait. After that, they parted with a passionate kiss that neither of them wanted to end. Two days after that he got a text message from her saying that she changed her mind.

_I changed my mind. I'm still marrying Louis. I'm sorry. Don't come to me._

Of course he did not actually listen to a single word in that message. He heard it very clearly, but he did not really listen. He realized he was too caught up in the happiness from a few nights before that maybe, just maybe, there was something that Blair said that he had heard but didn't actually listen too. He shrugged his coat on the moment he read the message, ran outside and hailed a cab. As always, Blair was two steps ahead of him, she already ordered the doorman to specifically block Dan Humphrey's entry to the penthouse, no matter the cost. He tried to reason with the doorman, tried to bribe, tried to trick, but none of it worked. It had been more than a week of those same episodes before he decided to quit, turn around and walk away. He also decided that he had no one else to blame but himself. No one got to fall in love with Blair Waldorf and come out unscathed.

It was stupid of him to think he could have been that one exception.

…

"_You didn't think I had a single clue about that little fling of yours with your writer friend from Brooklyn, didn't you?" _

Blair was surprised at the harsh tone that Louis used on her. It was cold and distant, not the usual gentle and soothing voice he used to have. But try as she might, she could not think of harsher punishment than what Louis laid out for her.

…

The night she admitted things to Dan, Blair went home to the penthouse to live up to her promise to him: that she would end things with Louis and create a new beginning with Dan. This, she was sure of when she rode the elevator to her apartment. This, she was still sure of when she went up the stairs to her bedroom. This, she was sure of when she found Louis waiting in her room, flicking through the newspaper by the side of her bed. He arrived during the day and looked exhausted.

He looked at her gently and although it pained her to know that in a few moments, she would be breaking his heart, her resolve didn't falter. Because at the very moment, the only thing she was sure of was that she wanted Dan.

"You're home." He said as he walked towards her and gave her a hug. She hugged him back, thinking that it was the least she could do right now.

"Louis, there is something I need to talk to you about." She started, breathing in deeply as she pulled away from him. He watched her as she moved towards the bed and followed her lead. Blair was surprisingly calm, convinced that only good things could come out from this decision in the long run. It never occurred to her that she too, had a propensity to make mistakes and have bad luck.

"Ah. You and Dan Humphrey?" He kept a straight face as he said this. As if it was the most obvious thing in the world and Blair was stupid to think that nobody would know. She looked at him as he walked around her room, the newspaper rolled in one hand, as he lightly patted it with the other. Louis could see her surprise and smirked at this, slowly transforming from a prince to an unrecognizable being in front of Blair.

"Louis…"

"You know, my love? I should have known this would be the price of being an absentee fiancé. But I didn't think you had so little faith, so little trust, so little… respect for loyalty. Or royalty, for that matter."

At this moment, Blair was sure that she had run out of luck. And that this person in front of her was not the person he once was. He was not the person he first met in Paris: sweet and loving. This man was completely different. He was cold. He was not violent but he seemed that he would go to great lengths to get what he wanted.

"I could explain, Louis… It's just that… I believe I may have fallen for him even before you came to New York. I didn't mean for things to go this way but they did." Louis raised a finger, signalling her to stop talking.

"Ah you see, love, you should have covered your tracks well. You didn't think I had a single clue about that little fling of yours with your writer friend from Brooklyn, didn't you? You were acting strange in Monaco, so I asked my royal secretary to look for clues. Pity you didn't think of hiding your little love letters though. A wedding planning binder? I seriously thought you were smarter than that."

Blair had not realized that she was crying. She only noticed how Louis smiled in contentment as he relayed to her what he knew and what he planned on doing. She assumed that he would understand; that he would let her go without a fight. That as a good natured man, he would bow down and accept this loss without a fuss. It turned out she was completely wrong about him.

Louis listed down her conditions. She was to text Dan that she had made a mistake and didn't want to be with him after all. Aside from this message, Blair was to make sure that there would be no contact to Dan at all. The doorman was to block Dan's entry to the penthouse at all costs. Louis made sure that this would be adhered to by bribing the doorman with tuition fee for his children until college. And lastly, she was to stay with Louis, until he decides that he's tired of her. If she tried to break any of these conditions, Louis would see to it that he would ruin Dan.

Her punishment was simple: If she could not be with Louis, she most certainly could not be with Dan.

…

Dan was aimlessly typing away on his computer, checking his phone now and then for a text message, any message from Blair. It had been two months of Gossip Girl blasts, newspaper and magazine articles of Louis and Blair in various events and their wedding plans. A few times he caught himself staring at her during parties they were both attending.

He felt a familiar stabbing in his chest every time he saw something about the couple. Despite his earlier decision to give up on trying contacting Blair, he never really did. During parties, he followed her but she quickly walked away and just as quickly, was escorted by her royal minders, who made sure Dan couldn't come close. He left her messages on her voice mail, begging her to talk to him, to at least let him know what's going on. He never got an answer. One time, Louis specifically came up to him and told him that if he doesn't stop bothering Blair, he should make sure he was prepared to be served a restraining order. That and he was no longer invited to the wedding.

With all these instances, Dan began to wonder if this was what Blair really wanted. He wanted to ask Serena, but aside from the fact that Serena was knee-deep in work in LA, it would have been an awkward conversation to have with her. Nate, despite being his best friend, was involved with someone and clueless as always. In his head there was no other option than Chuck, whom, aside from himself, knew Blair better than anyone else. That, as well, would be a painful thought to even entertain.

He had forgotten about Dorota, Blair's help that was silently pushed to the background as royal minders replaced her. He had forgotten about Dorota who overheard the royal minders talking about how someone slipped into Dan's loft when they caught Blair trying to run away to Brooklyn. They said something about a new batch of coffee they specifically made to hurt him. He had forgotten about Dorota who was running up the stairs to his loft to warn him.

If he was being honest with himself, he had forgotten about everything but Blair as he lifted his cup to drink the coffee he assumed his dad left in the coffee press.

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><p><strong>Don't kill me?<strong>


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